Down With the Leaves

Holy crap! 2 months without a blog!

As much as I love the entire nation of Canada. I've always had one problem with the hockey team hailing from Toronto. They are known as the Toronto Maple Leafs. Yes, thats not a typo, "Leafs". I'm not sure I'll ever understand it, but, I refuse to play dumb. I will always and forever call them the "Leaves". Its just bad grammar, and I am too smart to simply play along with that game.

Now, for the game, the "Leaves" had beaten the Thrashers 8 straight times and we just weren't gonna take it anymore. Marian Hossa (pictured in one of my, uhhh, pictures) scored 3 goals and the thrashers won 5-0. There was also a pretty good fight at the end of the game! And one of my favorite Thrashers, Slava Koleslaw had 4 assists.

I got tickets through my work in their suite. In this suite was, well, nothing but a 5 foot tall stuffed "lucky" dog. After the game, a buddy of mine was chatting with the suite next to ours. Of course they had a stocked bar and all kinds of food. He managed to get a hot dog out of them. But that wasn't enough. We really had nothing to offer in the way of a trade, well, except the dog. So I stepped up and did what any good negotiator would do. I traded the dog for the rest of their food. And it was worth it! (About 20 minutes later I went over and begged for the dog back)

Hatin on the Po-leece

So I'm cruising along the miserable drive back from Roanoke, VA to ATL when I find myself doing a cool 85MPH (in a 70). Luckily, I borrowed a work-friend's radar detector/laser jammer thing-a-mah-jig.

Lets paint the picture.

This laser jammer apparently makes their radar guns useless. From what I know, it seems too good to be true!!! Anyways, it was about 30 miles north of Charlotte on I-77. I was in the left lane, a bunch of other cars I'm trying to pass in the right lane. 2 cops in the middle of the interstate. As I pass I see one of em pulling out. Shit! So I'm thinking this damn thing doesn't work! I get over to the right lane, in the back of all those cars, and they are slowing down like mad. I'm talking 55MPH (remember, this is in a 70!, why are people so dumb?). The cop is approaching in the left lane and it kinds seems like he's gonna pass me. Or not. He gets behind me and pulls me over. But, not for speeding...for "following too closely"!!! (The damn thing DID work!!!!). The cop tells me from the start that he's gonna give me a warning. He goes back to his car with my license/insurance. When he gets back he asks me to get out of my car so that he could "explain this warning" to me. Huh? Whatever, I get out and he hands me a warning (telling me that for each 10MPH I'm going I need to be 1 full car length behind...whatever). He then asks if I can pop my trunk! (huh?) Whatever, I just wanted to go, but in my car! not his! I pop the trunk he looks around. He gets me to take my luggage out...and looks sorts through it! Dirty boxers and all! he then looked at my spare tire, then he made me open up some food my mom sent me off with!!!! (Now its getting personal!!!!) He even had the nerve to say "oooh, that looks good". Now I was almost expecting him to go back to his car and bring a dog out or something. This was a never-ending search! I've got NOTHING copper!!!! Finally he searches through my car and he's satisfied. It was nice to know that I seemed threatening at least, but DAMN!!!!

So I go on my way, get off at the next exit to get gas and calm down...reached for my sunglasses...SNAP. Damnit!!! I liked those glasses :(

Did Matt get a job at cdbaby.com????

Tell me this doesn't sound like Matt's dream-job! I ordered a cd from cdbaby.com and got this email from them, and I swear this has to be something Matt came up with...

J - Thanks for your order with CD Baby!

Shipping Address
================
%*(%&(*(*^%*(&
%^$$%*
Atlanta, GA $*&(& (to protect the innocent, well, me this time, I don't want you bastards to know where I live now!)

Qty Description Price Total
=== =========== ===== =====
1 REEL BIG FISH: our live album is better than yours $20.00 $20.00 Sub Total $20.00 Shipping $2.25 Grand Total $22.25

Your CD has been gently taken from our CD Baby shelves with sterilized contamination-free gloves and placed onto a satin pillow.

A team of 50 employees inspected your CD and polished it to make sure it was in the best possible condition before mailing.

Our packing specialist from Japan lit a candle and a hush fell over the crowd as he put your CD into the finest gold-lined box that money can buy.

We all had a wonderful celebration afterwards and the whole party marched down the street to the post office where the entire town of Portland waved 'Bon Voyage!' to your package, on its way to you, in our private CD Baby jet on this day, Wednesday, August 16th.

I hope you had a wonderful time shopping at CD Baby. We sure did. Your picture is on our wall as 'Customer of the Year'.

We're all exhausted but can't wait for you to come back to CDBABY.COM!! Thank you once again, Derek Sivers, president, CD Baby the little CD store with the best new independent music phone: 1-800-448-6369 email: cdbaby@cdbaby.com http://cdbaby.com/

How freakin cool was THAT!!!! I didn't even know it comes with a satin pillow!!!! I guess I should be somewhat concerned seeing as I didn't send them a picture! Oh well, that was hilarious. I fully endorse this company, I don't care if it takes 3 weeks to get the CD!!!!

Why to never EVER give money to the homeless

This is a (queue Real World theme music) true story (end music) that happened to someone who sorta knows someone I know.

Alright, so my friend Sherry (name has been changed to protect the innoncent, but it still rhymes. No one can possibly crack this one) has a 2nd date with this guy (we'll call him Bob, which may or may not rhyme, I don't actually remember his name). On his way to picking her up, Bob stops and gets gas (girls don't like guys who dont have gas). At the gas station, a wheelchaired legless homeless guy comes up to him and asks for money. Dude gives the homeless guy $5. (I was once duped into giving a homeless guy that much money at the CNN Center, but that story's for another day). If I was that homeless guy (and if I had legs) I'd do cartwheels. But instead the homeless guy reaches to shake Bob's hand, and presumes to STAB Bob with some sort of needle!!!! Half hour or so later, Bob's hand goes numb and goes to the hospital (luckily it wasn't Grady or they probably would've cut off HIS legs or something). Long story short, Bob had to get all kinds of shots, and an AIDS test! He has to wait 30 days or so to find out if he's got AIDS! AIDS! He gave the dude 5 DOLLARS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ever since I first heard this story a few weeks ago, I have lost whatever sympathy I have ever had for homeless people (which, admitably, wasn't much). I had one trying to get my attention the other day -also in a wheelchair - and I swear I almost lost it. I will never understand why these people cant find something better to do.

"Sherry" - if you've got any updates, let me know, or if I missed any good details...let me know too!

Moving Sucks (2006 version)

First, before I begin my rant, a big thanks to:

Shari, Janice, Jeremy, Joe, Kim, Ric, Tracy, PK and Cintron!!!!! You guys made it a hell of alot better than last time!

Now for the rant. Whats better than waking up at 6:30am on the day you're moving to a HUGE thunderstorm!!! You have GOT to be kidding me right? Well, I went back to sleep and thankfully the storm was gone and not a problem at all. But it definitely provided me with quite a scare. So I go to pick my truck up at UHaul...and apparently I because some girls' bitch!!! I asked to use a couple of those blankets to protect furniture. She says they're $1 each, but there are "a few" in the truck and she'll let me use them for free if I just fold them before returning the truck. So I think thats the greatest deal ever, us jews like free shit! I leave with the truck. When we're about to start loading it, I see why she offered me this deal. There were about 25 damn blankets in there!!!!!!!!!! In the end...I used 1. 1 lousy blanket, I saved $1. At midnight when I was dropping off the truck, I sat in the parking lot folding those damn things. ONE DOLLAR!!!!!!!! What a lazy bitch that chick is!

In the end, the move was not nearly that bad. The only casualty was about 3 broken glasses, which I'm pretty sure were 3 that I've "accidentally" walked out of local bars when they've somehow managed to find their way into my pocket or something. I guess thats Karma.

So, June 30, 2007....who wants to help me move? :)

Time for a New Cell Phone

My phone has slowly but surely been dying for the last month or so. Its a flip phone, and the display on the front officially doesn't work anymore. So for the last few weeks I've been trying to figure out what phone to get. I went into a Cingular store by my new place (don't worry, a blog is forthcoming about how much moving SUCKS!). At this point, I narrowed it down to 3 phones. A Nokia, an LG and a Sony Ericsson phone. In the store they have computers with quazi-internet access. I think you can only go to google.com and cingular.com. Thats it. But that was all I needed! I had a stroke of pure genius. I went to google and typed in the model of each phone along with the word "sucks" and looked at all the responses. It basically directs you to message boards where whiny 14 yr olds probably complain about their little lives (if you're 14 and reading this, no offense!!! but you know I'm right!) For both the Nokia (sorry Divya!) & LG phones there seems to be alot of complaining. But when I get to the Sony Ericsson phone, and here's what I see:

"Anyone who says this phone sucks, Sucks on D!@%. Sorry i love it."

That was all I needed to see. I was sold. Sorta. The price in the store was $39.99...or I could get it online, from the very same company for $19.99 2 days later! Morons!!!! So here I sit, waiting on pins and needles to finally have a new phone again!!!

Vickie takes one on the noggin :(

Important note for those not in the know

• Vickie = my car
• noggin = head. Or in car terms...bumper

Driving to work Thursday morning, I'm pulling out of my apartment complex to turn left. A car is currently in the middle turning lane about to turn left INTO the complex. A gap in the traffic makes me think this car is about to go ahead and pull into the complex. Of course not! But I made the mistake of assuming she would go ahead and go. She did not...so I'm slamming on my brakes and now blocking the left lane of traffic trying to get into the middle turn lane. So far....my fault.

Here comes the inexplicable part - and I wish I could draw a picture or something to show exactly how inexplicable this was. The car in the turning lane was about 3 feet in front of me, just enough space where I can't go anywhere. And I'm sitting diagonal waiting for her to move so I can get in behind her. So...what is the absolute LAST thing you would expect this car in front of me to do? (I'll give you some time)

Thats right - she BACKED UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I honked....she backed right into me. Put a nice footlong scratch on my car's front bumper. Awesome, great. Just what I needed. So finally she pulls ahead, I get behind her, we get out and talk about it. I'm still somewhat confused and did feel partly at fault because I assumed (and we all know what that leads to...and it DID!) she was gonna turn, and then I blocked a full lane of traffic. Fine. So I decided we didn't need to do anything about this, we should just go ahead and go. She did tell me she actually worked in my apartment complex leasing office. Coincidentally enough, she is the same lady who the very day before, I filled out paperwork for saying I was moving out!!!!!!! So maybe this is something telling me I shouldn't move????

I don't know, but I really need to get my bumper painted...at least her car got the worst of it! Good girl, Vickie!!!!

Jury Duty (AKA - a complete waste of time)

So...I had Jury Duty on Wednesday. I was partly excited (maybe I'd get to be part of an interesting case? maybe I'd get to witness a jerry springer-type environment?), partly absolutely not wanting to be there. I don't know how many of you have had to go, so let me give you the play by play. And it starts off bad, very bad:

6:30am - Wake up (a full 90 minutes before I'd normally wake up)

7:00am - And, note, I'm skipping steps, because it should be noted I did in fact shower (but more importantly, my 2 month-old beard bit the dust too!)...damn tangents...anyways, step 2 is - get on Marta (something I normally avoid at all costs)

8:00am - Walk around downtown trying to find the courthouse. (Beth - it should be noted that I passed at least a dozen homeless people, and none of them bothered me!)

8:15am - Sign in

8:15-12:00 - Do absolutely NOTHING. There were about 250-300 people in this big wairing room. Not a single person got called in to do anything. I entertained myself with only 1 issue of Maxim, my J-Pod, some Sudoku puzzles, some text messages and a few games of Bejeweled on the phone.

12:00 - Names get read off a list, about 40 of them. These people are told to go ahead and go for lunch

12:30 - Next set of names are read...another 40 or so...including mine. We are told to stay, everyone else should go to lunch

12:45 - There has been a mixup, go ahead and go to lunch. When did Quizno's get to be so damn expensive????

1:45-2:30 - Back in the waiting room. of the 300 or so people, still none are called

2:30 - An announcement is being made and some judge is being introduced to everyone. The judge says "thank you all for being here, you've done an outstanding job. We have been working hard in the courtroom downstairs, and, to make a long story short...your work here is done, you are all excused, a check for $25 will be mailed to you."

So lets recap...about 300 people had to show up at 8:15am until 2:30pm (6 hours and 15 minutes) to do ABSOLUTELY nothing. And this wasn't the good kind of sit around and do nothing, this was miserable nothing. There were several TVs that could've been watched, but they were turned off. We were told to keep our noise level to a minumum (mainly because people were asleep, and I must admit, i'm pretty sure i dozed off at least twice)

Anyways, the moral of the story is...avoid jury duty at all costs! I would've MUCH rather go into work instead...and remember...for me...work = Aarons :(

Meeting Bobby Bowden

On Monday night I went to the Atlanta Seminole Boosters Club Banquet. I met and got my picture taken with Bobby Bowden (which will damn surely go on this and any website I can find when they email it tome!).

After he spoke for a while there was a Q/A segment (there were probably 100+ people there) I stood up and asked him a question...I asked him what ring he was wearing (he has 2 national championship rings - which is 1 more than any Gaytor would have!)But he said it was a ring Burt Reynolds gave him. And when Burt and Loni Anderson got divorced, Loni asked for the ring back! But Bobby kept it :)

Tonight - I saw They Might Be Giants at a tiny venue (Variety Playhouse) here in Atlanta. Those guys are amazing (and hilarious)...second time I've seen them. The last time was at Stone Mountain in the rain with Scott, when I'd never really heard of them, but it was free, I went, and bought their greatest hits CD the next day!

Just Another Friday night at the Waffle House

So there we were, Friday night, around 2am, where can you get some good late night grub in the ATL? Waffle House! Of course, when you go to Waffle House you get more than mouth watering delicious food, you get entertainment. It never fails. But nothing, and I mean NOTHING can possibly live up to this past Friday night at the waffle house.

So lets set this up. I went to the Braves-Mets game Friday, and for the first time I think EVER, my Mets won (last year the Braves won all 6 times I saw them play the Mets) so it was a big deal. After the game (and after a very entertaining ride back - how's that hangover, PK?) I did what anyone would be jealous of doing on a Friday night...I had my friend Jeremy come by to try and get rid of a virus from my computer!

Anyways, about 1:30am we needed a break - and some food. Waffle House was the obvious pick, but we had no idea just how much entertainment would follow us...

So we get to Waffle House and pick our seat, the first thing I notice was this really old guy in a bright purple shirt and cowboy hat. Right behind him was the perfect table of drunkeness. There was a dude (later I would learn he's from Tallahassee...ughhhh!) with 2 girls. One of the girls obviously forgot a few articles of clothing on her way out that night. Her goods were jumping all over the place...and, as typical guys, we stared, they were definitely worthy of it! Even through the reflection in the window, it was too easy - Waffle House does a good job of keeping their windows clean!. But, I digress. At some point the guy she was sitting with was on his phone and seemed pissed and hung up on someone. Maybe 10 minutes later a car pulls up outside and stops in the middle of the parking lot. A guy gets out and walks in and slams his hands down on the table where the boobs and the pissed off guy were sitting. Pissed off guy takes a swing at the guy (later we would also learn that these two were "best friends"). It was now that the waffle house crew tells them to take it outside...and they DID!!!!!! These two guys went at it for a while outside. Nothing too exciting, alot of rolling around on the ground outside wrestling. While this is going on, another sketchy looking guy comes in and immediately comes over to me and says he loves the Mets - I had my Mets jersey on - although he was wearing a Washington Nationals hat...odd. Anyways, not a minute later, this washington dude is outside trying to break up the fight. Whats the best way to break up a pretty uneventful fight? Where would pulling a gun out rank? Yep...this dude pulled a gun from his pants and fired 3 shots in the air and put the gun right back tucked into his pants like it was no big thing. Meanwhile all of us inside waffle house are sitting there watching as if its an episode of 24 or something. I'm pretty sure its this point where the cops were called. The fight kinda took a few minutes off then and everyone outside left...including our gunman. A few minutes later they started wrestling around again, nothing good really. But, eventually they took their wrestling match elsewhere. Lucky for them, they escaped a good 30 minutes or so before any cop showed up. Gotta love the new found Sandy Springs PD!

As if that wasn't enough for one night, a new set of three come in and sit at the same exact table as our original entertainment. This time we had a VERY drunk girl, a fat friend (all the hot ones have em) and a guy with them. This guy couldn't have possibly wanted to be there any less. Drunk girl kept wanted to come over and sit at our table. But her friend wouldn't let her move, so instead, the two of them started making out...more than once...right in the middle of waffle house still. Awesome.

It took alot to actually leave that place. Its like you're actually at a taping of a Jerry Springer show. Its really hard to look away! But, alas...we left...and about 20 hours later my computer is virus free!!!!!

I know that someone, somewhere out there has a waffle house story that can top that, and I'd love to hear about it!!!!

I Can Feel My Legs Again

So I flew out to Salt Lake City last Saturday, Sunday we (me, Tracy, Stacey, Rory) toured the city. Don't ever go to Salt Lake, there's nothing there for our types! First (and mind you, I was with 3 girls and I was the only guy) I got dragged to some Mormon choir/orchestra thing. Apparently these people have their performances broadcast nationwide on the radio Sunday mornings. I was just trying to sleep, but every time I got close to dozing off, they'd get loud. Not cool!

After that show it got worse, these girls wanted to go into this house called the "Bees House". (I think). Its the house that was built and lived in by Brigham Young - an important Mormon guy. Anyways, we go in, and I'm thinking maybe we just walk around for 5 minutes and be done. Yeah right! We walk in and we are greeted by this obnoxiously happy - but really cute - Mormon. She's just so damned excited to tell us all about this house, and I was trapped! Turns out its a damn 40 minute tour of this house. I couldn't possibly been more bored and uncomfortable. And then she starts asking questions and she learns I'm jewish. At this point, I'm very scared of this girl!!!! Anyways, we finish the tour and they give us these cards where we can sign up to receive a mormon bible and a pair of white boys will come to your house to "teach" you about the mormon lifestyle. So, naturally, I put down a friends' name, address and phone number and finally get the hell out of there!

After that, I was promised to have my lunch, and more importantly, BEER paid for since I was such a good sport on the tour. HA! Like I'm gonna find beer on a Sunday in Utah! Oh well, I got a free lunch! After that I had some leverage on our Salt Lake visit. I made them go check out the Delta Center (sports arena, where the Utah Jazz play and where some hockey was played during the 2002 olympics). We couldn't get in though. Then we saw a really old railroad station. Then we walked around the University of Utah. The opening and closing ceremonies were held at their football stadium. So that was pretty cool, but its a pretty small stadium! We walked around campus, I think we saw maybe 4 people. Its cold there! They stay inside I guess! Anyways, that was about it of the Salt Lake tour. Sunday night we drove to Park City, Utah where we skied. We had a really nice place to stay, I even wound up having my own room. Which was nice because sleep is cherished on these trips!

So skiing for 4 consecutive days is a bit much. By day 4, my legs were shaking as I went down the mountain! I actually decided to stop halfway down my last run and just kinda parked myself on a little snow hill for a half hour. It helped!!!!

There was 7 of us in our group. 3 snowboarders, 4 skiers. One day I'll have to try snowboarding, but I think I'm supposed to get good at skiing first! I hadn't skied in about 10 years, but remembering how to ski actually came back pretty quickly. I only fell once on my first day, and that was on purpose because I was just going too damn fast! They made me start on a "blue"! (green is for beginners, blue is intermediate and black, well, black is HAIL no!) But it worked out, after I fell, and then 20 minutes later when I was able to finally pick myself up (with help from a stranger - kinda embarrassing) I got pretty good after that.

Day 2 had a slight scare, I was going slowly down a hill, and these 3 people came up from behind me and I heard a guy say "careful, Hurricane fan on your left" (I had my FSU gear on) So this lady passes me and I could tell she was new at this. I tried to just stop and let her get far enough ahead of me. A few minutes later I'm right behind and her and she falls right in front of me. The only was I could avoid her was to try and jump over her. Yeah, that probably wasn't the best idea, I'm pretty sure my knee met up with the back of her head. I was fine, but I was so scared that she wasn't! She was fine, and I got alot more cautious the rest of the time. Which probably wasn't the best idea. Its no fun being cautious while skiing!!!!

Day 3, my friend Stacey introduced herself to a small tree. It didn't seem bad at the time, but she had a bruise on her leg about the size of a cantaloupe! It was huge! I wanted to get a picture but she wouldn't let me :)

Day 4 I had a pretty good bellyflop, that kinda hurt a little. I was just too tired and should've probably called it a day before that run! Oh well, all in all, it was fun. These guys have made this an annual thing, so I may be going back next year. Next year's destination: Wyoming. We'll see if I'm up for that. I can't imagine anything in Wyoming being fun!

Why I'm Dumb (Part 285)

Yep, I'm an idiot (sometimes).

I had been working on my resume, and on Wednesday I sent a rough draft version to Kim for her to look it over and make her suggestions (for someone who hasn't had to worry about a resume in a WHILE, she's really good at this stuff!) Anyways, she sent the resume back to me, with nice bright red suggestions (including my favorite - at the bottom where it said "I have a life"). Wednesday night I finish up my resume and on Thursday morning I officially applied for this job. Thursday at 5pm I get an email saying "Jason, are you SURE this is the resume you wanted to send me?". So, yep, I did the unthinkable. I really thought I deleted that resume with Kim's edits!!!!! But no, I'm an idiot and sent that one. (I even had two coworkers proofread the email, but no one thought to check the attachment!) I send him the right resume and go take the walk of shame to his office. I walk in, he was sitting there with the girl who's job I'm applying for, and they just crack up laughing as soon as they see me. I just stood there shaking my head in embarrasment. He said, "man, this Jason has one hell of a sense of humor, he'd be a great fit in this department!".

Then on Friday I get interviewed at 11am, and at 4pm he offered me the job (and at 4:00:07 I accepted! - yes, 7 seconds later, give or take).

The two biggest reasons I think I got the job were:

1 - Halloween 2003. I dressed up as a nerd at work. Pants pulled up real high, clip on tie, hair slicked to the side, really big glasses, and to top it off a "kick me" sign on my back. During the interview he told me that was his first memory of me and he thought it was hilarious!

2- Fantasy Football! This is actually how I met this guy, my first boss at Aaron's invited me into a fantasy football league with some guys at work, and the fantasy football network has finally paid off. Well, aside from the actual cash that it pays off with! And here everyone thought I was wasting too much time on these games! Ha!

So, I start training Monday morning, while still going back and finishing up with my old job. The girl who's spot I'm taking got a better job outside the company, but she'll be here all week to get me started. I've got ALOT to learn this week, hopefully it sticks. Because a week from Monday I'll be skiing in Utah! So hopefully any trees know to stay away from my head because i can't get dumb after this week!!!!!

Thats all for that. I went to the Georgia Aquarium yesterday. It just opened in November and is the biggest Aquarium in the world. It was kinda cool, but too crowded and too many annoying little kids!!!!!