My Second 15 Seconds of Fame

I know, I know, I've been terrible about this blog, so, sorry to everyone who depends on me to entertain you. IE - mainly folks I'm related to.

My first 15 minutes of fame - http://jznole.blogspot.com/2007/11/my-15-seconds-of-fame.html

Almost two years ago to the day (minus about 4 days) I got picked, with my buddy Matt, to do a contest during a Thrashers game, and we did not do so well, we "Lost All" in the Risk it All game. Fast forward two years (minus about 4 days) and I got a chance to redeem myself! This time, we were sitting in the 200-section, just above the concourse walk-way when I noticed J-Bird snooping around below, I've been to enough games to know he was looking for someone for a contest. He turned around and faced our section and asked a girl in the front row if she wanted to sing karaoke...she said no. Then asked Christine, who was next to me, she said no, and then I think she pointed at me. Then J-Bird turns to me and asks me to do it. Sure! I'll make a fool of myself!!!! So I go down there, he tells me the game. It's a karaoke style where they'll play a song and at some point stop it and I'd have to sing the next verse. Ok, that should be embarrassing enough! Awesome! Then he says, since we're playing the Boston Bruins, we're gonna be doing the Boston song - More Than a Feeling. Sure, I know that song. He starts singing it and it doesn't sound familiar AT ALL. Apparently the only part I knew was the chorus somehow. Awesome! I must've had a pretty serious blank look on my face because he was about to find someone else to do the contest. I said no, I wanna do it, even if I screw up it'll be fun! So, I had the brilliant idea, hey, I can look it up on the jphone! And bam! I've got the lyrics. I kept going over them over and over in my head until I thought I had it down.

As I said in my last blog, J-Bird is a weird dude. While the hockey game was still going on, he was doing play by play in an Austin Powers accent. I told him my name was J, he asked me about 4 times, I'm like dude, you've got the same name, how hard is this?

Finally it came time to actually do the contest. A couple of the Thrashers cheerleaders came by to make me look good. So thanks for that! If only we could do something about those logos on their backs!!! They made me take my jersey off and put on a Hard Rock t-shirt on. I had to fight to keep my hat on, I had a serious Jew-fro going on up there. So here we go, they introduce me to the crowd and go over the way the contest works. They play a few lines from the song and then stop it and I have to sing the next line. As soon as they started going I froze up, completely forgot how the song went, completely forgot the line I needed to sing. It was supposed to be - "I closed my eyes and I slipped away". I really have no idea what words I actually sang but I definitely didn't say slipped away. Not only that, but I kinda screamed it out more than sang. In front of about 12,000 of my closest friends too! Afterwards J-Bird said, hey you kinda went Ozzy on us there, nice! Luckily they said, close enough and said I was a winner. I got a $50 gift card to Hard Rock, and everyone in my row got $25 gift cards. Oh, and I won a free Hard Rock t-shirt.

Here are some pics from different friends from throughout the arena...with more to come

ATL Noise: Volume 7, Issue 3

It's been a while...as usual, here's just a minor list of upcoming concerts in the ATL, I

Tue 09/22/09 - Cold, Taproot, Killer and the Star, Datarock, Esser - The Masquerade

Sat 09/26/09 - Chevelle, HaleStorm, After Midnight Project - The Tabernacle

Sat 10/03/09 - Snow Patrol, Plain White T's - The Tabernacle (I'd definitely be at this one if it wasn't for it being the same time as the Thrashers home opener!!!! Priorities!!!!!)

Tue 10/06/09 - U2, Muse - Georgia Dome (I'd go just to see Muse and leave)

Wed 10/07/09 - The Airborne Toxic Event, Henry Clay People, Red Cortez - Variety Playhouse

Wed 10/07/09 - Blink-182, All-American Rejects, Fall Out Boy, Asher Roth - #####'s Amphitheatre At Lakewood

Fri 10/09/09 - Kings Of Leon, White Lies - Philips Arena

Sat 10/10/09 - Lisa Lampanelli - Cobb Energy Performing Arts Centre (Comedian)

Tue 10/13/09 - Blues Traveler - Center Stage

Sat 10/17/09 - David Cross - The Tabernacle (Comedian)

Tue 10/20/09 - The Bravery - Center Stage

Sat 10/24/09 - Atreyu, Hollywood Undead - The Tabernacle

Tue 10/27/09 - Paramore, Paper Route, The Swellers - The Tabernacle

Sun 11/01/09 - The Used, The Almost, Drive A - The Tabernacle

Tue 11/03/09 - Brand New, Thrice - The Tabernacle

Fri 11/06/09 - Mute Math, As Tall As Lions - The Tabernacle

Thu 11/12/09 - Jimmie's Chicken Shack - Smith's Olde Bar (I swear I've heard of these guys???)

Mon 11/16/09 - AFI - The Tabernacle

Sun 11/22/09 - All-American Rejects, Taking Back Sunday, Anberlin - The Tabernacle

Sun 11/29/09 - Miley Cyrus - Philips Arena (It's a Felony!!!!!)

Fri 12/18/09 - Dashboard Confessional, New Found Glory, Meg & Dia, Never Shout Never - The Tabernacle

Brookhaven Parking SUCKS!!!!!

So I took a few days to cool down a bit, but am still pissed about the situation. And I'm not even gonna mention my flat tire from Wednesday!!!!

The Brookhaven area I'm talking about is home to 3 bar/restaurant places - Pub 71, The Hudson Grille and Mellow Mushroom (which is the official kickball bar).

These three places all have pretty large capacities, any ONE of them would probably come close to filling up the parking lot. It's gotten to the point where I refuse to even try to park in there after kickball, not only is there hardly any available parking, but the lanes to drive through are small and people drive like a bunch of ruhTARDS.

So far the last few weeks, I've been parking about a block away at a shopping center where NOTHING is open at night. There's anywhere from 20-30 cars doing the same, otherwise this HUGE parking lot is a ghost town. Well, this past Thursday, every single car got booted. Two people from my kickball team who left before I did texted me to tell me about their cars, and of course I'm thinking it probably was just them in a random act of booting. Nope. Everyone. But it gets worse.

The guy who came out to remove everyone's boot was a complete a-hole. By the time I got to my car there were 2 other groups of people waiting for the guy to show up. One of the groups had 2 fairly large black guys, who said amongst themselves while laughing but we were all pissed off, "man I'm gunna fuck this guy up" (or something like that). To which, the boot a-hole said, with a straight face, "I believe I've just been threatened, last night a group of about 6 guys threatened me and one of them left with a bullet in his chest." Wow!!!! What a winner, he really needs to brag about some guy getting shot?

So we finally convince him that no one's trying to fight anyone or shoot everyone, we just all wanted to go home. So, everyone's car had these lovely stickers on the window letting us know that we can call this phone number to get our cars released, and it said on there it is a $50 charge. Now, the first guys who he de-booted, their sticker had the $50 crossed out and $75 written in its place. I found that curious but didn't feel the need to question it from my side, because mine just said $50 with nothing crossed out. So he finally gets to me, I give him my credit card and he asks for my signature and I notice he charged me $75. So I fight him on it,

Me: "my sticker clearly says its a $50 charge."

A-Hole: "sorry I forgot to correct it on yours"

Me: "Correct it? This is an official sticker, what gives you the right to change it at all?"

A-Hole: "I ran out of our new stickers"

Me: "Well, I'm not signing this"

A-Hole: "Ok, I'll leave the boot on your car and the tow-truck can be here in a minute"

Me: "Wow, thats some bull shit, is there someone I can call to complain about this? Whats to stop you from charging me whatever the hell you want?"

A-Hole: "The number is on your receipt and Dekalb County has a minimum fee of $75"

Me: "Whatever, I need to get out of here"

Ughhhhh, I was FURIOUS, there was no winning an argument with this guy, and I certainly wasn't gonna let him tow my car for $25, but I'm still pissed about it. I mean, there's NO WHERE to park! So for now all I will do is boycott the area for the foreseeable future.

Dane Cook - ISolated INcident - I hope

So Dane Cook has a new CD out called "ISolated INcident" (I have no idea why the "S" and "N" are capitalized). He's been on tour for a few months and his last show was Saturday at Philips Arena. I was looking forward to the show, but I really didn't like his new CD. Its 90% over-the-top sexual humor. I really like his older stuff, but definitely not so much the new stuff.

So Saturday comes, I'm functioning on about 4 1/2 hours of sleep and spending 10 minutes (also 10 minutes too many) at some friends house with cats. So now I'm tired and my nose won't stop running. Awesome!

We get to the show, I was excited because we had seats in the front row of the upper level. Not necessarily close, but front row means not worrying about being too short or having to sit behind King Kong. So we head up to our seats and there's a bunch of Philips ushers sitting at a table blocking the concourse. They ask for our tickets and this guy takes them and says, we're gonna give you slightly better seats. They wound up sitting us dead-center of the arena, about 15-20 rows up!!!! Sweet!!!!!

The show starts (about 45 minutes late), two guys open up for him, and were definitely funnier than Dane Cook on this night. Finally, Dane Cook comes out and basically reads his CD to the crowd. Maybe not necessarily in the same order as the CD, but just by listening to the CD one time on the way to Jacksonville for Memorial Day Weekend...I already knew all the punchlines. I actually dozed off a couple of times during the show. I don't know, maybe I'm getting old, but like I said 90% of his material was pretty much graphic sex jokes. His old stuff was never like this, he hardly had any sex jokes, and he was actually funny. I was very disappointed in the show. He could've at least done some older material, ya know, back when he was actually pretty funny????

Why in the world would a comedian come out with a CD BEFORE he goes on tour????? I've definitely learned my lesson!!!!

Dane Cook, I give you two thumbs...down.

Why I'm Dumb (Part 299)

I haven't had to post a Why I'm Dumb story since January!

As if this was the first time, I got hurt playing kickball....again!!!!!

Wednesday, April 2, 2008 - Who gets hurt playing KICKBALL???? Me!!!!

Monday, May 5, 2008 - Who gets hurt playing KICKBALL???? Me!!!! Again!!!!

(Something that didn't get mentioned in the aftermath of story #2...the cuts on both of the cuts on my knees got infected, shocking, right?)

To get to my latest dumb activity, I must share another kickball story. So last Saturday (week and a half ago) was the big Smyrna kickball tournament. Team BOFBOS was starting to come on strong after losing 4 of our first 5 games we won the next two going into the tournament. (I swear if anyone says that one of those wins was because the other team didn't show up I'll punch you!) D'oh! Anyways, it was a big day.

BOFBOS got off to a huge start with a 6-run inning to take a 6-0 lead over the Shweaty Balls. Things were lookin good for us. Then it all went to shit, everyone (ok, mainly Jake!) started dropping balls left and right, and the next thing we knew we were losing 10-6! Ouch! But we weren't gonna roll over. The comeback was on. It was 10-8, I was on first base with Mark coming up and he kicked the hell out of the ball, I took off, rounded third base when my feet had decided they had enough. Down I went, stumbling just past third base. But I had to get up, the ball was coming and I knew it was gonna be a close play, so I dove. Head first. Into home. I was wearing long socks and knee-pads, what could possibly happen? I was safe! 10-9! And we eventually finished it off and won 11-10 before losing to the douchebag green team by one run for the third time this season, all by one run, this time in extra innings.

But the Why I'm Dumb part was the headfirst slide. Even with KNEE PADS...KNEE PADS!!!! I scraped up my knees. Again. I believe this is my third time.

You can see some pictures here: (notice the KNEEpads)

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=532328112&v=feed&story_fbid=96208141103#/photo.php?pid=35838430&id=23204618

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=532328112&v=feed&story_fbid=96208141103#/photo.php?pid=35838431&id=23204618

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=532328112&v=feed&story_fbid=96208141103#/photo.php?pid=35838432&id=23204618

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=532328112&v=feed&story_fbid=96208141103#/photo.php?pid=35838433&id=23204618

So fast forward a week and a half, I'm definitely doing a better job taking care of my injuries than last time, but I finally went to see a doctor yesterday. Immediately with barely a look, the nurse says, oh yeah, those are infected. Daaaaaaaamn. And that I need a tetnis (tetanus?) shot. Daaaaaaaaaamn. So now I've had to get a shot and am now on 2 antibiotics and an ointment for the next 7-10 days. Awesome!!!! Guess who's buying new knee pads!!!!!!

Kim's probably right, I should probably wear full body armor, with a helmut (yes she spells it that way) every time I play.

First NonAnnual Movie Review - Valkyrie

So now that pretty much all TV shows are off for the summer, I'm focusing on no longer wasting my Netflix account. I'm pretty sure I've held on to movies for a good 2 months before. Netflix loves me!

So last night I watched the movie, Valkyrie (where Tom Cruise tries to kill Hitler).

I have 2 beef's about this flick...

Now, I'm no history buff, but I'm pretty sure I picked up on one major flaw. Why would all these German soldiers be speaking ENGLISH? Pretty much all the time. Not only that, but some of those guys had various European accents while speaking English, so it was still hard to understand them most of the time, may as well speak German!

Beef #2 is more personal. As a pretty big Hitler and Nazi hater, and, with this being a MOVIE and all, why not, I don't know, give it a happy ending and KILL Hitler????? At the end of the movie (spoiler alert) Tom Cruise gets executed, THE END. After that there are some boring words on the screen, and then oh by the way, "Hitler committed suicide nine months later". Oh, C'mon!!!!! THAT'S what I wanted to see, show me the suicide! Make it gruesome!!! Is that so wrong?

Incredibly Useful Health Tips of the Day

I've been trying to spread the word on two very important topics for a while now and finally realized that this may be a good place to really get the word out.

First topic...hiccups.

We all get em (I think?) Ok, so I assume we all get em? Maybe there are some people out there without a diaphragm? I don't know. Apparently some dude - Charles Osborne - had the hiccups for 68 years. How do you sleep? Why didn't anyone try and scare him? Or drink a glass of water upside down? Or hold his breath? Why?????

So, here's my trick to ridding yourself of the hiccups. Ready? PEANUT BUTTER. It's never failed. Next time you get the hiccups, go get a spoonful of peanut butter (I've found that creamy works better than crunchy - sorry Lauren, I've stolen a spoonful every once in a while, now you know why!). Although not as much fun as watching a dog eat peanut butter, curing the hiccups may be the 2nd best reason peanut butter was invented.

Now for health tip of the day #2.

Flossing.

That's right, I'm gonna try and talk you into flossing. I was never a flosser, this is how a typical conversation went:

Dentist - "do you floss regularly"

J - "yes...once every 6 months"

For some reason they never find that as funny as I do. But one time I had a dentist determined to talk me into flossing. And it worked. He flossed my teeth, then here's how it went down:

Dentist - "I know how to make you floss"

J - "Really?"

Dentist - "I'm gonna floss your teeth and then I'll show
you"

J - "ok"

Dentist - after flossing..."smell this"

J - "OMG! Gross! That smells like ASS!"

Dentist - "so you're gonna floss now?"

J - "Yes!!!!"

So next time you're brushing your teeth, go floss real quick and give it a sniff. That's a part of what your breath smells like!!!!

I was reminded of this today at lunch, I had corn on the cob. It was all stuck up in my teeth, so I did some quick flossing at lunch just at my desk. A few minutes later, I got a sniff of my flossing finger and there it was. ASS!!!!!

FLOSS!!!!!!!