Friday, December 26, 2008

A Jewish Christmas

I'm pretty sure it's written in the Torah, that every year, on December 25th, all jew's are to venture to Jerusalem a Chinese Restaurant (and a movie theatre). So as a good little jew, I did just that. To make things even more jewy, I took my jew-friend Shari, to see jew-actor Adam Sandler's new movie - Bedtime Stories. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, it's a Disney Movie. It was actually pretty good.

Next up was finding the Chinese place. I hadn't yet found a good one by house that I liked, so after some research, and by the request of non-jew, Jeremy, we picked out a buffet. Only one problem...the "China Buffet" we saw on the internet (with the worlds best egg roll's according to the review) no longer existed. In it's place was a Chin-Chin, which I've been to, and didn't really want to go back. Jeremy was actually already there, with a table, but I got him to bail. We drove around for a bit, thought about trying a Thai place, but it was closed...Surprisingly, Hooters was open! We kept driving and found a place called "House of Chan". Perfect! The parking lot even smelled good! There was actually a bit of a line outside to get a table, probably another good sign. Eventually we get buffet though. The waitress had a shirt that said "Thing" in sparkles. She said that was actually her name. It's kinda tough to understand if a Chinese person is being funny sometimes.

Anyways, we look at the menu, and much laughter ensues. Never have I seen so many typo's on a menu in my life. Sure, I understand it's not their language. But I usually think Chinese people are pretty enough to use spell checker at least! See below, see how many typo's you can find. You should be able to click on em to make em larger. My favorite is "fride rice".

With all that said, the food was VERY good. We even had a conversation with the manager about the Chinese Diet. I probably learned more talking to that guy than I knew about food in the last 2 years. But, much like college, I've forgotten pretty much all of it already :) I do remember he said that spicy food prevents colds and eating bamboo prevents colon cancer...I think.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Danielson Checks himself into Hospital

CBS Announcer Danielson Checks himself into Hospital

ATLANTA, GA — At approximately 11 pm Saturday night, CBS sports announcer Gary Danielson realized it was time to head for the emergency room.

"Every single commercial for a male virility pill, like Viagra or Cialis, says that if your erection lasts for more than four hours, then you should call a doctor," Danielson said. "Well I had the biggest Tebowner of my life yesterday, and it started about 3 pm eastern time and it wasn't gone by 11 pm, and I knew it wasn't even close to being gone, so I came to the ER."

The Tebowner seems to have been a direct result of Tim Tebow's dominant performance in the SEC Championship game against Alabama. As of the publication of this piece, Danielson remained in care with a lot of attention being paid to him, as doctors worked in vain to figure out what they could do to treat the Tebowner.

"It's a really difficult thing to treat," said Dr. Pervez Mushtaf, of the Atlanta Regional Medical Center. "Tebowners start off and they feel so great, you're like, 'Damn, Tim Tebow is awesome, I could feel like this forever, I hope that this feeling never ends,' that sort of thing. But then you find yourself about four hours later and you're like, ' Jesus, I mean, I love Tim Tebow, I really love Tim Tebow, but holy crap, this thing has got to go away.'"

A Tebowner is defined by the American Journal of Medicine as a "severe swelling of the genitalia resulting from long-term visual exposure to the exploits of Tim Tebow on the college football field."

Tebowners occur naturally following viewing of Florida Gators games for many people, with an extremely high prevalence in television announcers and University of Florida graduates.

"I'm not sure why, but we treat a lot of TV announcers who have severe Tebowners," Mushtaf said. "Barely a week goes by where I don't spend part of Sunday chucking cold water on Brent Musburger's hoo-hah, if you know what I mean."

As for Danielson, doctors are keeping their fingers crossed that his Tim Tebow-inspired "condition" will subside.

"We've tried cold water, and we've tried ice cubes, and we've even tried naked pictures of Rosie O'Donnell," Mushtaf said. "Nothing has worked so far. But now we've got him in there watching this year's game between the Iowa Hawkeyes and Indiana Hoosiers. That ought to make it go away."

Tebowners are a serious problem in the southeastern part of the country, where Tim Tebow is frequently viewed, and long-lasting Tebowners have been negatively affecting men across Florida for the last two years. It is a much more severe affliction than the fast-spreading Peter Warrdick that plagued Tallahassee briefly in the early part of the 1990s.