Wednesday, May 30, 2007

My weekend in Jacksonville

Fun with bullets...

Things I learned this weekend:
  • If you win the lottery, you will spend money on coke (the powder form).
  • It is perfectly acceptable on a dating game show to ask if you've seen your dad's ballsack.
  • It is very important to put sunscreen on the tops of your feet. And on your lips too! movie quote time:
    Can you bring me my chapstick? my lips hurt real bad! Ugh! Idiot!
  • I-16 is perhaps the most boring interstate in the US. At least the DUI checkpoint was entertaining.
  • Carl is the only person amongst our group who is capable of seeing shooting stars.
  • Drinking wine from a plastic cup on the beach at night isn't the worst thing in the world.
  • Feeding birds should be illegal in the US, or just ban all idiots from the beach. I got shit on because some friggin foreigners kept feeding the damn seaguls.
  • Jacksonville isn't a popular Memorial Day destination for seeing girls in bikins.
  • Don't ever go to - or take part in - a Tijuana donkey show (I didn't, but I think Tracy or Stacey did) :)

I feel the need to expand upon the feeding of the birds lesson. I'm not exactly a regular beach go'er but I know some things. For example, typically the wind blows outward from the ocean towards the beach. So, this friggin family of foreigners - we'll call them the Retard family - sitting in front of us showed up with TONS of bread to apparently feed to the local seagulls. As soon as they start that, the entire worlds population of seagulls show up. They're all hovering over the Retard family. Now, the winds were pretty strong, so where do you think the seagulls shit lands? Nope, not on the Retards...on us. They were asked to move at least 3 times before I got a bird turd on my arm. Finally we got Papa Retard to stop, but then Junior Retard, Jr and his brothers kept going. And this is after Matt's towel was hit twice and a couple of other bombs landed amongst our group. The moral of the story...please don't ever feed seagulls when people who don't want to get shit on are around. This has been a public service announcement.

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