Incredibly Useful Health Tips of the Day

I've been trying to spread the word on two very important topics for a while now and finally realized that this may be a good place to really get the word out.

First topic...hiccups.

We all get em (I think?) Ok, so I assume we all get em? Maybe there are some people out there without a diaphragm? I don't know. Apparently some dude - Charles Osborne - had the hiccups for 68 years. How do you sleep? Why didn't anyone try and scare him? Or drink a glass of water upside down? Or hold his breath? Why?????

So, here's my trick to ridding yourself of the hiccups. Ready? PEANUT BUTTER. It's never failed. Next time you get the hiccups, go get a spoonful of peanut butter (I've found that creamy works better than crunchy - sorry Lauren, I've stolen a spoonful every once in a while, now you know why!). Although not as much fun as watching a dog eat peanut butter, curing the hiccups may be the 2nd best reason peanut butter was invented.

Now for health tip of the day #2.

Flossing.

That's right, I'm gonna try and talk you into flossing. I was never a flosser, this is how a typical conversation went:

Dentist - "do you floss regularly"

J - "yes...once every 6 months"

For some reason they never find that as funny as I do. But one time I had a dentist determined to talk me into flossing. And it worked. He flossed my teeth, then here's how it went down:

Dentist - "I know how to make you floss"

J - "Really?"

Dentist - "I'm gonna floss your teeth and then I'll show
you"

J - "ok"

Dentist - after flossing..."smell this"

J - "OMG! Gross! That smells like ASS!"

Dentist - "so you're gonna floss now?"

J - "Yes!!!!"

So next time you're brushing your teeth, go floss real quick and give it a sniff. That's a part of what your breath smells like!!!!

I was reminded of this today at lunch, I had corn on the cob. It was all stuck up in my teeth, so I did some quick flossing at lunch just at my desk. A few minutes later, I got a sniff of my flossing finger and there it was. ASS!!!!!

FLOSS!!!!!!!

My Eyeball Update

For anyone that needs to read the prequel, go here

The cliff notes version - January 2007 I had a week of radiation on my eye to fight off a small tumor in the iris of my right eye. (And as my reward I brought Mitsa into my life, my 57" beauty of a TV)

Anyways, Tuesday I had my regular 6 month check-up, with parents in tow for support, as always. I was kinda nervous because after getting poked in the eye on the Sunday before by my favorite six-month old my eye had been kinda blurry since.

I'll go ahead and give the full play by play of these miserable appointments I have to go through every six months...

We got there at about 9:15. Emory has one of the worst parking garages I've ever tried to park in. The spots are way too small and everyone ignores the "compact cars only" signs. This makes for quite the lengthy drive up to the top level where I almost always wind up parking. I think it took over 15 minutes just to park.

So we get into the office, sign in, and they actually called me back pretty quickly. A good sign, usually they're about 30 minutes to an hour or three behind.

They give me this device to cover my good eye and to read the eye chart on the wall. Wow. I'm blind, I could barely make out the biggest row of letters, usually I can see those just fine, something is definitely wrong. Then the pull out this thing that also covers my bad eye, but it's got tiny little holes to see out of. I could actually see pretty decently. Apparently with that thing, I had 20-25?I think? vision. Until recently, I'd kept my 20-20. Not cool.

The technician then puts numbing drops in my eyes and I lean my head into this contraption so that she can look at my eye and check the pressure. She says everything looks fine, pressure is good, she doesn't even see a scratch from where Riley got me. So, ummmm, why am I going blind? Who knows!

From there, I go back to another waiting room before they take actual PHOTO's of my eye. They got me in there pretty quickly. This is a contraption where I put my head into this thing and the photographer holds my eyelids wide open and takes a picture (complete with a bright flash) of my eye from just about an inch away. Fun! This process is repeated probably about 25 times. The last 5-7 pictures includes the putting some kind of lens on my actual eye, with some weird gooey stuff between my eye and the lens. At least with this thing on its easier to keep my eye open since I CAN'T close it! Not fun at all. Luckily my eye gets to shower in saline when this part is done. They do all this so that my doc can compare each picture from 6 months ago, and 6 months before then and so on - to make sure the radiated tumor is lifeless. It'll likely never go away, but hopefully it's all just dead tissue now.

Head back into the waiting room, next up is an ultrasound. But first, why not just wait here for...I don't know, an HOUR. This is the worst part of these appointments, the waiting. And of course, to us, it looks like the doctors are just sitting around twiddling their thumbs. So anyways, I finally go in for the ultrasound. I can't say I'm too familiar with the OTHER kind of ultrasound that most people are probably familiar with. Actually, maybe I am, I had one for my liver once, it was weird. But imagine having one on your eyeball! It's actually not too bad, the pour a bunch of (what I think is) saline in your eye followed by this glass contraption thing. From there, my job should be simple, just stare at the ceiling where they've got this picture of a small dog you're supposed to stare at. The only problem...it wasn't in the right place. Every time I looked at this dog, she told me to look slightly to the right. It's hard to stare at something for a reasonably long period of time without there being anything to actually stare at. Move the dog! Oh well, I survived. The ultrasound somehow completely measures the tumor, not only length and width, but how deep it is. I'll probably never understand how that works, but I guess I'm glad it does.

Finally up next is the meeting with my actual doctor after he takes a look at everything. But first...another hour-long wait in the waiting room. I think it was almost 12:00 before we got called in there. I should mention that I forgot to grab a granola bar for breakfast, so I've had nothing to eat or drink yet. So combining that with the anxiousness of not knowing what the hell was wrong with my eye got to be a little much for me.

I finally get called in, where a doctor I'd never seen before takes a look. She does her thing, sticking the magnifying contraption in my face and looks into my eye and then says, ok, everything looks good, your doctor will be in shortly. Great!

So after a little more waiting, finally my doctor comes in, it's probably about 1:00 by now, we'd been there for about FOUR HOURS. He does his thing, looks at my eye, and also says everything looks good. WTF? So I finally ask him...if everything looks fine why is my eye blurry? He says, well, lets dilate the eye and I'll take a look then. Great! Another 30-40 minutes for my eye to dilate! Yay! Finally after waiting out the next 30-40 minutes in there, he comes back, takes a look..."you've got a cataract".

Great, so now I've got something that usually only 80 year olds deal with. Awesome! But they warned me about it. Cataracts have several causes, obviously old age, but in my case...the week of radiation is what did it. The bad part is, he told me I have to wait til the cataract "ripens" before they typically take care of it. So, basically, what that means to me, is that my vision is gonna have to get worse before they'll do the surgery. The surgery itself is actually the most common surgery in the US. It's outpatient (what isn't these days?) and I'll just have to take it easy for a few days (obviously I will have to eventually plan this surgery during the kickball offseason!). After some research it seems like "waiting" isn't always necessary, so I'm hopefully I can get this overwith sooner, rather than later. Supposedly not only would things get blurrier for my right eye, but it could get sensitive to light. Which would make driving at night a problem. Right now its just slightly blurry, so it's not too bad, just annoying. Let's hope I can get this taken of before all that fun starts!

I go see another one of my doctors on June 1, this is the guy who probably will actually do the surgery. I'll be dragging my roommate (sorry Lauren!) with me to take notes. So, until then...wish me luck!!!!

Team Canada: WFC Update

After an 0-8 campaign to finish the 2008 kickball year, the revamped Team Canada - we're no longer Mounties, we're Flip Cuppers - is off to an amazing 4-1 start to the season.

Tonight's game by the numbers:
Team Canada - World Flip Cupper runs: 4
Non-functional CD Players: 1 (On songs NOT to have sex to night! Not cool!)
Songs able to be played in the first inning before it crapped out: 2
Runs allowed by Team Canada: 0!
Actual rounds of Flip Cup played this season: 0!
Terrible calls by the umpire: it would take too long to count.
Missing teeth by the umpire: see above.
Trying to come up with more of these so that I can say "priceless": Priceless!

Quote of the year - after the game, someone on the other team said, "There's a reason they're 4-1". :)

The one bad call I'm complaining about was on a pop up to the 2nd baseman, there were 2 outs, I was on first. He was just inside the base line, I was running towards second. He was well enough in front of me that I just went straight towards 2nd. At the last second he backs up right into my path and barely bumps me and drops the ball. I get called out for interference! WTF? Am I wrong? I can understand that if he's in my path I should go around him, but he's the one backed into my path at the last second! How am I supposed to account for that?

ATL Noise: Volume 7, Issue 2

There's really only one concert that I feel the need to announce. And they haven't even announced a venue.

Saturday August 1, 2009 - GREEN DAY - Atlanta, GA - TBA (Their new album, 21st Century Breakdown comes out May 15!)

Ok, fine...here's some more that I would might possibly consider attending.

Wed 05/06/09 - Death Cab For Cutie - Fox Theatre

Tue 05/05/09 - Shinedown, Halestorm - The Tabernacle (I wonder if I can still make it there after kickball??? It'd be close, but I really wanna see Shinedown!)

Tue 05/05/09 - Candlebox - Variety Playhouse

Fri 05/08/09 - Frank Caliendo, Bill Engvall - Fox Theatre

Sat 05/09/09 - Stephen Lynch - The Tabernacle (already got my tickets!)

Sun 05/10/09 - Nine Inch Nails, Jane's Addiction - Aaron's (formerly Lakewood) Amphitheatre (ughhh, I can't believe we're gonna have to call it that!!!)

Sun 05/17/09 - Coldplay, Howling Bells, Pete Yorn - Lakewood Amphitheatre

Wed 05/20/09 - Gavin Rossdale - Center Stage

Sun 05/24/09 - Toad The Wet Sprocket - Variety Playhouse

Thu 05/28/09 - Old Men On The Corner Who Need to Go Away - Lakewood Amphitheatre

Tue 06/02/09 - Les Claypool, Matisyahu, Dub Trio - The Tabernacle

Fri 06/05/09 - No Doubt, Paramore, The Sounds - Lakewood Amphitheatre

Fri 06/12/09 - The Fray, Jack's Mannequin, Richard Swift - Chastain Park Amphitheatre

Sat 06/13/09 - TV On The Radio, Grizzly Bear - The Tabernacle

Sun 06/14/09 - Better Than Ezra - Variety Playhouse

Wed 06/17/09 - Taking Back Sunday, Anberlin, Envy On The Coast - The Masquerade

Tue 06/23/09 - Eddie Vedder, Liam Finn - Cobb Energy Performing Arts Centre

Fri 06/26/09 - Bill Maher - Cobb Energy Performing Arts Centre

Thu 07/30/09 - Snoop Dogg, Stephen Marley, Slightly Stoopid - Masquerade Music Park

Sat 08/01/09 - Green Day - TBA

Sat 08/15/09 - Def Leppard, Cheap Trick, Poison - Lakewood Amphitheatre

Sat 08/29/09 - Appetite For Destruction - Trib. To Guns N' Roses - Peachtree Tavern

Sat 08/29/09 - "Crue Fest", Mötley Crüe, Godsmack, Theory Of A Deadman, Drowning Pool, Charm City Devils - Lakewood Amphitheatre

Tue 10/06/09 - U2, Muse - Georgia Dome (Too bad I can't go in, see Muse and then sell the ticket!)

My First 5k

Around New Years I decided it would be a good goal to run a 5k. What better one to run in the one sponsored by Sweetwater??? So, the Sweetwater 420 Fest 5k was my goal. I guess when you're running a race like this, it's important to take it easy the night before and have a good night sleep. Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Friday night was my friend, Erica's 30th surprise birthday party. I played my part by offering her non-existent free Braves tickets for Friday night. Shockingly she turned me down. Good thing, because the Braves were playing in Pittsburgh, but I knew I'd get away with it. That made things fun for me! The party was fun, I managed to survive a Rochelle & Stevens' house party with only 1 beer! Who knew! So I did take it easy in that respect. But, not so much in the good night sleep part. I was there until about 2am. Oops! Oh well, for me, 6 hours is probably considered a good night sleep anyways!

So then Saturday I officially ran my first 5k...and I survived. Although, I should use the term "ran" loosely. I ran some. Walked, well, a lot. No one will be accusing me of being in great shape anytime soon, but I finished in 46:18. There were TONS of running uphill. Lauren called it, and I quote, "the hardest 5k ever, pretty much all uphill." So if Lauren says it, I' believe it. I knew better than to try and run the uphill portions. So I walked those and tried to run the flat stuff. And I did, for the most part.

The race started at 11am, which was nice, because these things have a habit of starting way too early in the morning. But there were soo many people, parking was ridiculous. I got to the area at about 10:30 and didn't actually park until about 10:55. Then I had to walk a friggin MILE just to get to the starting line. Seriously! There's no need for a mile-long warm up! Not cool. I met up with Tara, who was running the race with a stroller, pushing Riley the whole time. I had no idea that Tara was gonna run the whole thing like that! Jeez!!!! I kept up with her the first couple of minutes, she was literally weaving in and out of runner traffic with a stroller. It was fun to watch, but I needed a walking break. I mixed it up with running and walking. I can't seem to find a map of the race online anywhere, but when the race finally got to the intersection of Moreland/Freedom Parkway, there were a couple of girls out there cheering everyone on. "Good job! Only 1 more mile! Good job!" (rinse, repeat). So I looked at my watch, and was like, wow! I can finish this thing in about 30 minutes! This isn't so bad at all! After another 15 minutes or so, I got skeptical. Another guy was cheering people on (I assume someone's paying these people or at least giving them free beer) and he said "Good job! Only six-tenth's of a mile to go!" I was PISSED! I know I didn't take 15 minutes to run 0.40 miles. Oh well, just gotta keep on going. I did. We got to where North Ave hits Candler Park (right where I parked) and I knew we were so close. One more block and I would probably be able to see the finish line!!! I can still do this in under 40 minutes. So I kept going when I noticed something strange. A right turn!!!! Nooooooooooooooooo!!!!! Those teasing bastards had us heading right for the finish line, and then BAM. Not so fast my friend! Less motivated, and more frustrated, I pretty much walked the rest of the way. According to my watch, I finished in 46:18.

Here's me just before the finish line fake-running for the camera. My goal was to beat that dude with the stroller. Mission accomplished!

Crossing the finish line!!!! (Why do the 2 clocks have different times? ) For the record, remember, I started late!

Collecting the ever important free beer ticket!

From left to right (not including babies or Jill) Lauren's dad, Holly, Seth, me, Sarah, Jason, Tara, Lauren, another Jason, Josh.

Babies: Sage, Riley, Violet.

Lucky for you thats not quite the end of the story! After all of this, and after my one beer, I had to head home to get ready for kickball. Surprisingly enough, i had plenty of energy for it. My legs were tired but the rest of me was ready to go. So I made it to kickball, where my team, "Boobs on First, Balls on Second" pulled out an 11-8 victory in our last at bat and can finally say we won a game. Even after all that I felt good. We all went to Atkins Park for our post-game tradition, and I finally got some food in me, along with a beer. For those keeping score, that's 2 beers on the day (yes, it's important). After eating, another kickball tradition follows...flip-cup! Here's where the day goes downhill. In a hurry! After about 5-6 rounds (you drink basically a shot - an ounce or two - of beer each round) I felt my stomach saying I'm full. I really felt like I just needed to let out a good burp. I probably should've stopped playing until the burp came, but I didn't want to let my flip-cup team down! So...one more round. Ughhhh. After that, I went and sat down, I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to burp. When finally, I did. Only, I did a little more than burp. Luckily I was able to grab a plastic cup real quick and there went lunch. Somehow I pulled it off without anyone noticing (I think?). From there, it was off to the bathroom for "burp" #2. I finally had enough. Luckily home is about a mile away. I got to my couch, laid down for about an hour and felt better. Took a shower. Went back to the couch and pretty much stayed there til Sunday night. All in all (other than a sunburn) it was a good day.

5k + kickball + X + flipcup = -X

where X = lunch!

Catching Up With...Myself

Today we finally had the chance to sit down with JZ himself and see what he's been up to.

The J-Blog: So...haven't heard from you in a while, what have you been up to?

JZ: Well, I've been working on my new album, "The Blueprint³" which should be coming out sometime in September.

TJB: Album? Wait...I think we've got the wrong guy. You're Jay-Z. No one cares about you around here.

Jay-Z: Peace.

TJB: J!!!! What's up???

J: That guy is always trying to steal my identity.

TJB: What have you been up to? Haven't heard from you in a while, your blog has been pretty empty.

J: I know, I know...I've got no excuse.

TJB: I hear you've been doing a bit of traveling so far this year?

J: Yeah, I guess I have. I started out 2009 by going to Jacksonville for a few days for a wedding, went on a ski trip to Winter Park, CO in February, a surprise trip to DC for my sisters 30th in March and a trip to New Jersey this past weekend.

TJB: And you didn't feel like blogging about any of that?

J: Back off!

TJB: Alright! Fine, douchebag!

J: You're a douchebag.

TJB: We know. So any accomplishments so far in 2009?

J: Well, obviously what might be my biggest accomplishment so far in my life is last Tuesday in kickball I hit (kicked?) 2 home runs in consecutive at bats.

TJB: Wow! Has that ever been done before?

J: I doubt it.

TJB: Tell us about it.

J: Well, actually the first one was somewhat unexpected. I had an 0-3 count (you get 4 strikes in kickball) and I knew I had to keep the next one in fair territory. So far this season I was 5-5 by keeping the ball on the ground, but I noticed the right and right center fielders were disrespecting me by playing pretty shallow. So I kicked it over their heads and ran my ass off before my traditional belly flop as I crossed home plate! I was DONE! I'm not built to run like that...or at all.

TJB: Traditional?

J: Fuck you!

TJB: So tell me about the 2nd home run.

J: It was pretty similar, the outfielders were pretty shallow. We had a pretty comfortable lead, so I just gave it all I had. I kinda thought this one was gonna be caught but once I got to first and it wound up past the outfielders I just thought, oh shit, not again! But I took off and did another traditional belly flop.

TJB: Is it safe to assume those were your first two career homers?

J: Fuck off.

TJB: Traditional...LOL. So, seriously, a couple of fly balls in kickball has been your biggest accomplishment so far?

J: Well, it's not official yet, but I run in my first ever 5k on Saturday!

TJB: Run? really?

J: Ok, so I'll probably be walking half of it, but its a start.

TJB: What made you decide to do this? Your a lazy fat ass!

J: I know, but, I decided it may be time to work on that. In January at work there was a 12 week weight loss competition, and I decided to give it a shot with running this 5k as a goal, after all it's the Sweetwater 420 Fest 5k!"

TJB: Have you been training for that?

J: Well, I've ran an almost 5k on my own twice.

TJB: Twice? I guess you didn't win this challenge.

J: Ha! No. I did finish 5th though.

TJB: So only 5 people signed up?

J: Fuck You.

TJB: Chill out, that was too easy, I had to.

J: Yeah I know.

TJB: So you finished 5th, I guess running twice wasn't your big secret?

J: Yeah I can't claim that I guess. To be honest, I've been eating a little better and I bought a Wii Fit is what did it for me.

TJB: Seriously, you're gonna claim a video game helped you lose weight?

J: No shit man. There's stuff you can do on there that will make you sweat. Specifically the rhythm boxing.

TJB: So how was skiing?

J: It was pretty exhausting. The altitude really got the best of me. I spent most of my time with Ryan and Nikki at a bar by the ski slopes.

TJB: Nikki?

J: She was our server every time! She was awesome!

TJB: Do anything else while you were out there?

J: I did get to cross the Pepsi Center off my list of stadiums I've been to. Me, Matt and Ryan went to a Montreal Canadiens vs. Colorado Avalanche game.

TJB: What did you think?

J: I've gotta say...I wasn't impressed. Philips Arena is soooo much better. Besides the hockey (the Thrashers wound up finishing with a better record than the Avs), the environment, the PA announcer, the entertainment during stoppages was all...boring. The folks at Philips put on a much better show. I had no idea, but I've been spoiled by going to Thrashers games!

TJB: I'm bored, what else?

J: After that trip was a surprise visit to DC for my sisters' 30th birthday.

TJB: So you actually made it up there without her knowing?

J: I did. She was suspicious that my parents were gonna be there, they showed up Friday night, I flew up Saturday morning while she was on an all day wine tasting tour. When she got home, I hid downstairs, then my dad called her to come down and I snuck out and back in upstairs. Then I just hung out on her couch until she came back up. Got her!

TJB: Not bad.

J: Yeah, she's off to a pretty good start in her 30's. A couple weeks later she managed to win my March Madness Pool. Out of 95 entries, she was the first to turn one in and nailed it. I actually had to give her $600!!!!! I held out as long as I could but I needed her help to finish up my taxes :)

TJB: Aren't you an accountant? You can't do your own taxes?

J: I'll leave. I'll leave right now.

TJB: You won't. So what else? How's passover treatin ya?

J: Passover isn't my favorite holiday, but good things definitely come of it. For the most part it turns into a big family reunion every year. And the bigger tradition is going to White Castle. I flew in before Passover began and met up with my Uncle David and Cousin Josh at Newark and we made our way to the family beach(less) house in Manahawkin, NJ. We picked out a White Castle and headed right for it. I don't know what it is, but those things are so much better than Krystals burgers. Between the 3 of us, we easily finished 20 burgers. We knew that some others we would be meeting would want some, so we got back on the road with a plan to stop at another one as we got closer. And we did. Another order of 20, unfortunately we overestimated this time and most went to waste, but it made the car ride smell good!!!! We even made another trip back after passover started, but because I can't have bread, I made due without. Without the bread that is. Wrapped the burgers with a few fries in the middle. Delish!!!!!

TJB: I think there's something seriously wrong with you

J: yeah, yeah, I think its because there's not a White Castle anywhere near Atlanta, just makes em taste better. So other than White Castle trips, I got to spend a lot of time with the family which is always fun. There's always drama, but I'll save that for when TMZ comes callin me. Amongst other things, I've become a dominant Wii Bowler now. Thanks Scott!

TJB: So we're just about caught up, right? Any other highlights so far?

J: Well, I actually read a book.

TJB: No. Seriously. I mean something YOU did.

J: Seriously.

TJB: There's no need to make shit up, we both know no one's reading this.

J: It's true. Not exactly my proudest accomplishment, but I read Chelsea Handler's My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands. She's a comedian, and a jew. Turns out she was quite the whore. But she was really funny in telling about her adventures. So I read the book over my 2 plane rides in the past week. And now I'm planning on getting my hands on her other book, Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea (which was actually #1 on the NY Times best seller list for a while). So I'll give it a shot. No promises. I'm not gonna become an avid reader. My TV's too big and beautiful for that :)

TJB: Reading a book is definitely an accomplishment for you.

J: Considering I'm still on the July 2008 Maxim...hell yeah!

TJB: Alright I don't like where this is going, we need to rap it up. Any important last words?

J: I have not and never have liked fish sticks (or Kanye West)

Facebook - Old Testament Style

I know it's been way too long since I blogged about anything. I don't really have a good excuse. But I had to share this link I've been laughing about since I first saw it yesterday. My cousin Rob stumbled across it, so he gets full credit for finding this gem.

http://9a4440c5.fb.joyent.us/haggadah/ultraModern2.php

Enjoy!!!! (It's much funnier if you're a facebook user)